Smile....Smile....Smile...all the time!

You know my readers I always wanted to make you smile.I regret for the lapse.ok am back with a big bang of humor. Keep smiling it really works in balancing your life against all odds!

1)A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the RR tracks, he heard a whistle, but didn't know what it was. Predictably, he's hit and is thrown, ass-over-tea-kettle, to the side of the tracks, with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.

After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the teakettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the teakettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the desert man, "Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?"

The desert man replies, "Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small."




2)There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." She swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

The blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.

Geeta Rao

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Humanistic Humor Can Laugh At Animal Humor Also!

Readers again this time I have brought something new for you! I have brought animal humor! It is very funny humor.


1 Leftover change
A bus driver on his route sees a van from the zoo stranded on the side of the road. The zoo worker offers the bus driver $100 to help him deliver two dozen penguins. The bus driver agrees and loads the penguins on the bus.An hour later, the zoo worker gets his van fixed and heads to the zoo. On the road, he sees the bus driver and the penguins driving in the opposite direction. He catches up to the bus and pulls them over.The zoo worker yells, “I gave you a $100 to take the penguins to the zoo for me. Why are you still driving them around?”“Calm down,” the bus driver says, “I took the penguins to the zoo. We had change left over, so now I’m taking them to the movies.”


Humor article makes you smile but your own imagination make you to blast!


2 Two guys were hiking through the jungle when they spotted a tiger who looked both hungry and fast. One of the guys reached into his pack and pulled out a pair of Nikes. His friend looked at him.”Do you really think those shoes are going to make you run faster than that tiger?””I don’t have to run faster than that tiger,” his friend replied. ”I just have to run faster than you.”




3A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you could talk.”The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.“You can understand what I’m saying?” asked the officer. Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.“Well, did you see this?”“Yes,” motioned the monkey.“What happened?”The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.“They were drinking?” asked the officer.“Yes.”“What else?”The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.“They were smoking marijuana?”“Yes.”“Now wait, you’re saying your owners were drinking, and smoking marijuana before they wrecked.”“Yes.”“What were you doing during all this?”“Driving” motioned the monkey.

Wasn't it all humor? Enjoy the humor of the day!Keep finding humor around you!

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Corporate Humor –A solution To Bring Smile On Your Face

Readers,
this is for sure we are all alive with a sense of humor in us.If we live on that we live life to the fullest

1)-Talented engineer
The authorities were leading a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They asked the priest if he wanted to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest said that he would like to face up so that he will be looking toward heaven when he dies. So, they raise the blade of the guillotine, release it and it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest. Next the drunkard comes to the guillotine. He also decides to die face up hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine, release it and it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. So, the authorities release the drunkard as well. Next is the engineer. He also decides to die facing up. They slowly raise the blade of the guillotine when suddenly the engineer shouts, “WAIT!!!… I think the problem is right there where the cable is binding!!!”
2)- Microsoft landing
A pilot is flying a small, single-engine, charter plane with a couple of really important executives on board into Seattle airport. There is fog so thick that visibility is 40 feet, and his instruments are out. He circles looking for a landmark and after an hour, he is low on fuel and his passengers are very nervous.At last, through a small opening in the fog he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. Circling, the pilot banks and shouts through his open window: “Hey, where am I?”. The solitary office worker replies: “You’re in an airplane.”. The pilot immediately executes a swift 275 degree turn and executes a perfect blind landing on the airport’s runway five miles away. Just as the plane stops, the engines cough and die from lack of fuel. The stunned passengers ask the pilot how he did it.“Elementary,” replies the pilot, “I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100% correct but absolutely useless; therefore, I knew that must be Microsoft’s support office and from there the airport is three minutes away on a course of 87 degrees.”



3 )Top 10 signs your company is going to downsize
1.    Company Softball Team is converted to a Chess Club.
2.    Dr.Kevorkian is hired as an “Outplacement Coordinator”.
3.    Your best looking women in Marketing are suddenly very friendly with the dorky Personnel Manager.
4.    The beer supplied by the Company at picnics is Schlitz.
5.    Weekly yard/bake sale at Corporate Headquarters.
6.    Company President now driving a Ford Escort.
7.    Annual Company Holiday Bash moved from the Sheraton to the local Taco Bell.
8.    Employee discount days at the local “Army & Navy Surplus Store” are discontinued.
9.    Dental plan now consists of a Company supplied kit (String, pliers and 2 aspirin).
10.    Your CEO has installed a dart board in his office marked with all existing departments in the Company.

corporate humor is actually funny humor you can't help laughing.Keep laughing till the next post!

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Humor-Rejuvenates Life!

Readers,
Off and on am asking you people to develop a sense of humor. Funny humor and humor articles always help you in developing a sense of humor.
P1) Dangerous Dog
Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because", the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

2)An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. "I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings." "That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"  "The guy was your doctor."

Death Bed
3) A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated." "And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?"The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service, and write on the envelope, 'Now you have everything'."
Hahaha…. Humor keeps your mental health also perfect.

    

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Humanistic Approach To Humor!

Readers I have brought funny humor to tickle you. Humor is needed to build our personality. A person with all humor will gel with other persons very well.
The Blue Crab Bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a pin stripe suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice " I'd like to try the bet" After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away.
Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man "what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?"
“Well,” said the little man, “I set fee schedules for an HMO.” How did you feel about this ‘all humor?’


A Historic Breakthrough in Nature and Science! 

This funny humor is based on obesity. Millions of Americans are overweight. They need to develop a sense of ‘all humor.’ Obesity is one of the most dangerous—not to mention unattractive—medical crises facing our nation. I am sure that you have tried all the latest pills, diets and massage treatments. There is always the option of regular exercise and a moderate diet—but get real—who has time for that? 
Now you don’t have to restrict your favorite foods. You don’t even have to exercise. Go ahead; eat that second piece of cheesecake! With our plan, you can still attain any weight you choose!! 
Giardella  is guaranteed to help you lose 5, 10, 20 pounds—you decide! 
Best of all, it’s from nature, so you know it’s safe. Unlike artificial, sterile pharmaceutical factories, nature is in perfect balance. All living things from nature are beneficial for your health. 
Here’s how it works. We collect crystal clear water from the Gunpowder River. We wish you could see the source. Overhead, tall sycamore trees sway in the breeze. Just upstream, a family of industrious beavers has built a series of impressive dams. The industry of the beavers imparts a special essence to the waters. This enteric essence cleanses your system in a profound way that you have never experienced. 
A day or two after you drink our healing water; you will begin to notice your body cleansing itself. The weight just flows away. Once you have lost as much weight as you want, it is easy to stop. Just page your family doctor—he or she should be available day or night—and ask him to call in a prescription for Flagyl ® After one or two doses, the cleansing process slows down, and your weight will stabilize. That’s all there is to it! 
Keep a few extra vials of our crystal clear elixir on hand if those troublesome pounds start to come back. It works over and over.
His one isn't about medicine or managed care, but I couldn't resist....!! Will such humor articles click?

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Humor-Just Go and Grin

This small try may be humor of the day. I feel we need to develop a sense of humor to de stress our hard and heavy burdens of mechanical life. I read humor columns to offer the best humor gratis to my readers. Here I have brought two jokes based on theory of humor. I would love to get you people family humor, school humor, and office humor even. Everyone needs funny humor in his /her life.

Becoming a Lawyer
There was a job opening in the country's most prestigious law firm and it finally comes down to Robert and Paul. Both graduated magna cum laude from law school. Both come from good families. Both are equally attractive and well spoken. It's up to the senior partner to choose one, so he takes each aside and asks, "Why did you become a lawyer?" In seconds, he chooses Paul.
Baffled, Robert takes Paul aside. "I don't understand why I was rejected. When Mr. Armstrong asked me why I became a lawyer, I said that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I'd lay down my life for the Constitution and that all I wanted was to do right by my clients. What in the world did you tell him?" "I said I became a lawyer because of my hands," Robert replies. “Your hands? What do you mean?" "Well, I took a look one day and there wasn't any money in either of them!"



Behaving Like Angels
The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes. When she returned, she found the children in perfect order. Everybody was sitting absolutely quiet.
She was shocked and stunned and said, "I've never seen anything like it before. This is wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all of you? Why are you so well behaved and quiet?"
Finally, after much urging, little Sally spoke up and said, "Well, one time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet, you would drop dead."

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Humor-Inculcate This Instinct

 Funny humor is always entertaining,humor article,or humor technology humor are really worth noticing.I am trying my best to bring a smile on your face!

1) A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled, "This is great! "Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks. "No," says the psychic, "in biology class."


2) A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company. There's plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing alright - but after a few months he gets lonely...

The pig starts to look more and more attractive - soft, pink flesh, round buttocks, etc. But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg. Very frustrating.

One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy, cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious. He drags her to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back health. Finally she is well enough to walk and she says to him "Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I don't know how I can ever repay you. I'll do anything for you, anything, just name it."
The guy thinks for a minute and says, "Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?"


3) Three men were trekking through the desert and came across a magician. The magician was standing at the top of a slide. The magician than said, ''You may each go down the slide, asking for a drink. When you reach the bottom of the slide you shall land a a huge glass of that drink.
The first man went down yelling, ''Beerrr!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of beer.
The second guy went down the slide yelling,''lemonadeee!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of lemonade.
The third guy went down the slide yelling ''wheeeeeeeee!!!'''

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