Humanistic Humor Can Laugh At Animal Humor Also!

Readers again this time I have brought something new for you! I have brought animal humor! It is very funny humor.


1 Leftover change
A bus driver on his route sees a van from the zoo stranded on the side of the road. The zoo worker offers the bus driver $100 to help him deliver two dozen penguins. The bus driver agrees and loads the penguins on the bus.An hour later, the zoo worker gets his van fixed and heads to the zoo. On the road, he sees the bus driver and the penguins driving in the opposite direction. He catches up to the bus and pulls them over.The zoo worker yells, “I gave you a $100 to take the penguins to the zoo for me. Why are you still driving them around?”“Calm down,” the bus driver says, “I took the penguins to the zoo. We had change left over, so now I’m taking them to the movies.”


Humor article makes you smile but your own imagination make you to blast!


2 Two guys were hiking through the jungle when they spotted a tiger who looked both hungry and fast. One of the guys reached into his pack and pulled out a pair of Nikes. His friend looked at him.”Do you really think those shoes are going to make you run faster than that tiger?””I don’t have to run faster than that tiger,” his friend replied. ”I just have to run faster than you.”




3A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you could talk.”The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.“You can understand what I’m saying?” asked the officer. Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.“Well, did you see this?”“Yes,” motioned the monkey.“What happened?”The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.“They were drinking?” asked the officer.“Yes.”“What else?”The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.“They were smoking marijuana?”“Yes.”“Now wait, you’re saying your owners were drinking, and smoking marijuana before they wrecked.”“Yes.”“What were you doing during all this?”“Driving” motioned the monkey.

Wasn't it all humor? Enjoy the humor of the day!Keep finding humor around you!

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Corporate Humor –A solution To Bring Smile On Your Face

Readers,
this is for sure we are all alive with a sense of humor in us.If we live on that we live life to the fullest

1)-Talented engineer
The authorities were leading a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They asked the priest if he wanted to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest said that he would like to face up so that he will be looking toward heaven when he dies. So, they raise the blade of the guillotine, release it and it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest. Next the drunkard comes to the guillotine. He also decides to die face up hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine, release it and it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. So, the authorities release the drunkard as well. Next is the engineer. He also decides to die facing up. They slowly raise the blade of the guillotine when suddenly the engineer shouts, “WAIT!!!… I think the problem is right there where the cable is binding!!!”
2)- Microsoft landing
A pilot is flying a small, single-engine, charter plane with a couple of really important executives on board into Seattle airport. There is fog so thick that visibility is 40 feet, and his instruments are out. He circles looking for a landmark and after an hour, he is low on fuel and his passengers are very nervous.At last, through a small opening in the fog he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. Circling, the pilot banks and shouts through his open window: “Hey, where am I?”. The solitary office worker replies: “You’re in an airplane.”. The pilot immediately executes a swift 275 degree turn and executes a perfect blind landing on the airport’s runway five miles away. Just as the plane stops, the engines cough and die from lack of fuel. The stunned passengers ask the pilot how he did it.“Elementary,” replies the pilot, “I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100% correct but absolutely useless; therefore, I knew that must be Microsoft’s support office and from there the airport is three minutes away on a course of 87 degrees.”



3 )Top 10 signs your company is going to downsize
1.    Company Softball Team is converted to a Chess Club.
2.    Dr.Kevorkian is hired as an “Outplacement Coordinator”.
3.    Your best looking women in Marketing are suddenly very friendly with the dorky Personnel Manager.
4.    The beer supplied by the Company at picnics is Schlitz.
5.    Weekly yard/bake sale at Corporate Headquarters.
6.    Company President now driving a Ford Escort.
7.    Annual Company Holiday Bash moved from the Sheraton to the local Taco Bell.
8.    Employee discount days at the local “Army & Navy Surplus Store” are discontinued.
9.    Dental plan now consists of a Company supplied kit (String, pliers and 2 aspirin).
10.    Your CEO has installed a dart board in his office marked with all existing departments in the Company.

corporate humor is actually funny humor you can't help laughing.Keep laughing till the next post!

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Humanistic Approach To Humor!

Readers I have brought funny humor to tickle you. Humor is needed to build our personality. A person with all humor will gel with other persons very well.
The Blue Crab Bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a pin stripe suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice " I'd like to try the bet" After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away.
Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man "what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?"
“Well,” said the little man, “I set fee schedules for an HMO.” How did you feel about this ‘all humor?’


A Historic Breakthrough in Nature and Science! 

This funny humor is based on obesity. Millions of Americans are overweight. They need to develop a sense of ‘all humor.’ Obesity is one of the most dangerous—not to mention unattractive—medical crises facing our nation. I am sure that you have tried all the latest pills, diets and massage treatments. There is always the option of regular exercise and a moderate diet—but get real—who has time for that? 
Now you don’t have to restrict your favorite foods. You don’t even have to exercise. Go ahead; eat that second piece of cheesecake! With our plan, you can still attain any weight you choose!! 
Giardella  is guaranteed to help you lose 5, 10, 20 pounds—you decide! 
Best of all, it’s from nature, so you know it’s safe. Unlike artificial, sterile pharmaceutical factories, nature is in perfect balance. All living things from nature are beneficial for your health. 
Here’s how it works. We collect crystal clear water from the Gunpowder River. We wish you could see the source. Overhead, tall sycamore trees sway in the breeze. Just upstream, a family of industrious beavers has built a series of impressive dams. The industry of the beavers imparts a special essence to the waters. This enteric essence cleanses your system in a profound way that you have never experienced. 
A day or two after you drink our healing water; you will begin to notice your body cleansing itself. The weight just flows away. Once you have lost as much weight as you want, it is easy to stop. Just page your family doctor—he or she should be available day or night—and ask him to call in a prescription for Flagyl ® After one or two doses, the cleansing process slows down, and your weight will stabilize. That’s all there is to it! 
Keep a few extra vials of our crystal clear elixir on hand if those troublesome pounds start to come back. It works over and over.
His one isn't about medicine or managed care, but I couldn't resist....!! Will such humor articles click?

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Humor-The Humor Instinct

Be always happy and laughing.Funny humor is always welcome.Humor one is the most needed instinct we need to cultivate.All we need is a humor protal.Any type of humor is welcome.If it is witty then we all will wnjoy more.Dr. Schlambaugh, a senior lecturer at the Chemical EngineerinDepartment,University of Oklahoma, is known for posing questions onfinal exams like: "Why do airplanes fly?"  In May a few years ago, the "Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer " exam paper contained the question:"Is Hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof."Most students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or similar. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we must postulate that if souls exist, they must have some mass.If they do, then a mole of souls also must have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think
we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it does not leave.Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for souls entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some religions say that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than  one of these religions, and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With the birth and death rates what they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change in the volume of Hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of the souls and volume needs to stay constant.

[Answer 1] So, if Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at  which souls enter Hell, then the temperature in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

[Answer 2] Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than theincrease in souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate (given to me by Teresa Banyan during freshman year) that "it'll be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and taking into account that I still have not succeeded in
having sexual relations with her, then [Answer 2] cannot be correct;

...... thus, Hell is exothermic.

The student got the only A.



Two men were golfing, and the fairway of the hole they were playing was adjacent to a road. The first man was setting up for his swing, when a funeral procession went by on the road. He stopped, faced the procession for a moment, then bowed his head in prayer as the hearse passed by. Only when the procession had passed out of view did he resume playing, driving his ball to the green.
As they were walking toward the green, the second man said, "That was a touching show of respect for the the deceased back there. I had no idea you were so sentimental."
The first man shrugged and said, "It's the least I could do. I was married to her for thirty years."

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Humor - The Essence Of Life To Be Merry!

I want my readers to have a smile on their face after reading this.That's all and I got my rewards!Get tickled with funny humor. I have tried to maintain humanistic perspective. I am planning to write more humor article also. I am trying to offer humanistic approach for the humor.


David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an obscenity. Those that weren't expletives, were to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shocked the bird and the bird just got more angry and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the bird in the freezer, just for a few moments. He heard the bird squawk and kick and scream-then suddenly, there was quiet.

David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'll endeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness." David was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, "May I ask what did the chicken do?


A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything.
The shop owner suggests a faithful dog. The man replies, "Come on, a dog?" The owner says, "How about a cat?" The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!" The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, "I've got it! A centipede!"The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay... I'll try a centipede." He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, "Clean the kitchen." Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and... it's immaculate! All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away the counter-tops cleaned the appliances sparkling the floor waxed. He's absolutely amazed. He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living room." Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed the furniture cleaned and dusted the pillows on the sofa plumped, plants watered. The man thinks to himself, "This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. This really is a pet that can do everything!" Next he says to the centipede, "Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper." The centipede walks out the door. 10 minutes later... no centipede. 20 minutes later... no centipede. 30 minutes later... no centipede. By this point the man is wondering what's going on. The centipede should have been back in a couple of minutes. 45 minutes later... still no centipede! He can't imagine what could have happened. Did the centipede run away? Did it get run over by a car? Where is that centipede?
So he goes to the front door, opens it... and there's the centipede sitting right outside. The man says, "Hey!!! I sent you down to the corner store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What's the matter?!"

The centipede says, "I'm goin'! I'm goin'! I'm just puttin' on my shoes!"

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