Smile....Smile....Smile...all the time!

You know my readers I always wanted to make you smile.I regret for the lapse.ok am back with a big bang of humor. Keep smiling it really works in balancing your life against all odds!

1)A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the RR tracks, he heard a whistle, but didn't know what it was. Predictably, he's hit and is thrown, ass-over-tea-kettle, to the side of the tracks, with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.

After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the teakettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the teakettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the desert man, "Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?"

The desert man replies, "Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small."




2)There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." She swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

The blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.

Geeta Rao

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Humanistic Humor Can Laugh At Animal Humor Also!

Readers again this time I have brought something new for you! I have brought animal humor! It is very funny humor.


1 Leftover change
A bus driver on his route sees a van from the zoo stranded on the side of the road. The zoo worker offers the bus driver $100 to help him deliver two dozen penguins. The bus driver agrees and loads the penguins on the bus.An hour later, the zoo worker gets his van fixed and heads to the zoo. On the road, he sees the bus driver and the penguins driving in the opposite direction. He catches up to the bus and pulls them over.The zoo worker yells, “I gave you a $100 to take the penguins to the zoo for me. Why are you still driving them around?”“Calm down,” the bus driver says, “I took the penguins to the zoo. We had change left over, so now I’m taking them to the movies.”


Humor article makes you smile but your own imagination make you to blast!


2 Two guys were hiking through the jungle when they spotted a tiger who looked both hungry and fast. One of the guys reached into his pack and pulled out a pair of Nikes. His friend looked at him.”Do you really think those shoes are going to make you run faster than that tiger?””I don’t have to run faster than that tiger,” his friend replied. ”I just have to run faster than you.”




3A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you could talk.”The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.“You can understand what I’m saying?” asked the officer. Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.“Well, did you see this?”“Yes,” motioned the monkey.“What happened?”The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.“They were drinking?” asked the officer.“Yes.”“What else?”The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.“They were smoking marijuana?”“Yes.”“Now wait, you’re saying your owners were drinking, and smoking marijuana before they wrecked.”“Yes.”“What were you doing during all this?”“Driving” motioned the monkey.

Wasn't it all humor? Enjoy the humor of the day!Keep finding humor around you!

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Corporate Humor –A solution To Bring Smile On Your Face

Readers,
this is for sure we are all alive with a sense of humor in us.If we live on that we live life to the fullest

1)-Talented engineer
The authorities were leading a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They asked the priest if he wanted to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest said that he would like to face up so that he will be looking toward heaven when he dies. So, they raise the blade of the guillotine, release it and it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest. Next the drunkard comes to the guillotine. He also decides to die face up hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine, release it and it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. So, the authorities release the drunkard as well. Next is the engineer. He also decides to die facing up. They slowly raise the blade of the guillotine when suddenly the engineer shouts, “WAIT!!!… I think the problem is right there where the cable is binding!!!”
2)- Microsoft landing
A pilot is flying a small, single-engine, charter plane with a couple of really important executives on board into Seattle airport. There is fog so thick that visibility is 40 feet, and his instruments are out. He circles looking for a landmark and after an hour, he is low on fuel and his passengers are very nervous.At last, through a small opening in the fog he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. Circling, the pilot banks and shouts through his open window: “Hey, where am I?”. The solitary office worker replies: “You’re in an airplane.”. The pilot immediately executes a swift 275 degree turn and executes a perfect blind landing on the airport’s runway five miles away. Just as the plane stops, the engines cough and die from lack of fuel. The stunned passengers ask the pilot how he did it.“Elementary,” replies the pilot, “I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100% correct but absolutely useless; therefore, I knew that must be Microsoft’s support office and from there the airport is three minutes away on a course of 87 degrees.”



3 )Top 10 signs your company is going to downsize
1.    Company Softball Team is converted to a Chess Club.
2.    Dr.Kevorkian is hired as an “Outplacement Coordinator”.
3.    Your best looking women in Marketing are suddenly very friendly with the dorky Personnel Manager.
4.    The beer supplied by the Company at picnics is Schlitz.
5.    Weekly yard/bake sale at Corporate Headquarters.
6.    Company President now driving a Ford Escort.
7.    Annual Company Holiday Bash moved from the Sheraton to the local Taco Bell.
8.    Employee discount days at the local “Army & Navy Surplus Store” are discontinued.
9.    Dental plan now consists of a Company supplied kit (String, pliers and 2 aspirin).
10.    Your CEO has installed a dart board in his office marked with all existing departments in the Company.

corporate humor is actually funny humor you can't help laughing.Keep laughing till the next post!

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Humor-Rejuvenates Life!

Readers,
Off and on am asking you people to develop a sense of humor. Funny humor and humor articles always help you in developing a sense of humor.
P1) Dangerous Dog
Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because", the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

2)An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. "I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings." "That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"  "The guy was your doctor."

Death Bed
3) A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated." "And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?"The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service, and write on the envelope, 'Now you have everything'."
Hahaha…. Humor keeps your mental health also perfect.

    

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Humanistic Approach To Humor!

Readers I have brought funny humor to tickle you. Humor is needed to build our personality. A person with all humor will gel with other persons very well.
The Blue Crab Bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a pin stripe suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice " I'd like to try the bet" After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away.
Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man "what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?"
“Well,” said the little man, “I set fee schedules for an HMO.” How did you feel about this ‘all humor?’


A Historic Breakthrough in Nature and Science! 

This funny humor is based on obesity. Millions of Americans are overweight. They need to develop a sense of ‘all humor.’ Obesity is one of the most dangerous—not to mention unattractive—medical crises facing our nation. I am sure that you have tried all the latest pills, diets and massage treatments. There is always the option of regular exercise and a moderate diet—but get real—who has time for that? 
Now you don’t have to restrict your favorite foods. You don’t even have to exercise. Go ahead; eat that second piece of cheesecake! With our plan, you can still attain any weight you choose!! 
Giardella  is guaranteed to help you lose 5, 10, 20 pounds—you decide! 
Best of all, it’s from nature, so you know it’s safe. Unlike artificial, sterile pharmaceutical factories, nature is in perfect balance. All living things from nature are beneficial for your health. 
Here’s how it works. We collect crystal clear water from the Gunpowder River. We wish you could see the source. Overhead, tall sycamore trees sway in the breeze. Just upstream, a family of industrious beavers has built a series of impressive dams. The industry of the beavers imparts a special essence to the waters. This enteric essence cleanses your system in a profound way that you have never experienced. 
A day or two after you drink our healing water; you will begin to notice your body cleansing itself. The weight just flows away. Once you have lost as much weight as you want, it is easy to stop. Just page your family doctor—he or she should be available day or night—and ask him to call in a prescription for Flagyl ® After one or two doses, the cleansing process slows down, and your weight will stabilize. That’s all there is to it! 
Keep a few extra vials of our crystal clear elixir on hand if those troublesome pounds start to come back. It works over and over.
His one isn't about medicine or managed care, but I couldn't resist....!! Will such humor articles click?

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Humor-Just Go and Grin

This small try may be humor of the day. I feel we need to develop a sense of humor to de stress our hard and heavy burdens of mechanical life. I read humor columns to offer the best humor gratis to my readers. Here I have brought two jokes based on theory of humor. I would love to get you people family humor, school humor, and office humor even. Everyone needs funny humor in his /her life.

Becoming a Lawyer
There was a job opening in the country's most prestigious law firm and it finally comes down to Robert and Paul. Both graduated magna cum laude from law school. Both come from good families. Both are equally attractive and well spoken. It's up to the senior partner to choose one, so he takes each aside and asks, "Why did you become a lawyer?" In seconds, he chooses Paul.
Baffled, Robert takes Paul aside. "I don't understand why I was rejected. When Mr. Armstrong asked me why I became a lawyer, I said that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I'd lay down my life for the Constitution and that all I wanted was to do right by my clients. What in the world did you tell him?" "I said I became a lawyer because of my hands," Robert replies. “Your hands? What do you mean?" "Well, I took a look one day and there wasn't any money in either of them!"



Behaving Like Angels
The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes. When she returned, she found the children in perfect order. Everybody was sitting absolutely quiet.
She was shocked and stunned and said, "I've never seen anything like it before. This is wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all of you? Why are you so well behaved and quiet?"
Finally, after much urging, little Sally spoke up and said, "Well, one time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet, you would drop dead."

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Humor-Inculcate This Instinct

 Funny humor is always entertaining,humor article,or humor technology humor are really worth noticing.I am trying my best to bring a smile on your face!

1) A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled, "This is great! "Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks. "No," says the psychic, "in biology class."


2) A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company. There's plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing alright - but after a few months he gets lonely...

The pig starts to look more and more attractive - soft, pink flesh, round buttocks, etc. But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg. Very frustrating.

One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy, cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious. He drags her to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back health. Finally she is well enough to walk and she says to him "Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I don't know how I can ever repay you. I'll do anything for you, anything, just name it."
The guy thinks for a minute and says, "Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?"


3) Three men were trekking through the desert and came across a magician. The magician was standing at the top of a slide. The magician than said, ''You may each go down the slide, asking for a drink. When you reach the bottom of the slide you shall land a a huge glass of that drink.
The first man went down yelling, ''Beerrr!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of beer.
The second guy went down the slide yelling,''lemonadeee!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of lemonade.
The third guy went down the slide yelling ''wheeeeeeeee!!!'''

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Humor-The Humor Instinct

Be always happy and laughing.Funny humor is always welcome.Humor one is the most needed instinct we need to cultivate.All we need is a humor protal.Any type of humor is welcome.If it is witty then we all will wnjoy more.Dr. Schlambaugh, a senior lecturer at the Chemical EngineerinDepartment,University of Oklahoma, is known for posing questions onfinal exams like: "Why do airplanes fly?"  In May a few years ago, the "Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer " exam paper contained the question:"Is Hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof."Most students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or similar. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we must postulate that if souls exist, they must have some mass.If they do, then a mole of souls also must have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think
we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it does not leave.Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for souls entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some religions say that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than  one of these religions, and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With the birth and death rates what they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change in the volume of Hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of the souls and volume needs to stay constant.

[Answer 1] So, if Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at  which souls enter Hell, then the temperature in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

[Answer 2] Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than theincrease in souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate (given to me by Teresa Banyan during freshman year) that "it'll be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and taking into account that I still have not succeeded in
having sexual relations with her, then [Answer 2] cannot be correct;

...... thus, Hell is exothermic.

The student got the only A.



Two men were golfing, and the fairway of the hole they were playing was adjacent to a road. The first man was setting up for his swing, when a funeral procession went by on the road. He stopped, faced the procession for a moment, then bowed his head in prayer as the hearse passed by. Only when the procession had passed out of view did he resume playing, driving his ball to the green.
As they were walking toward the green, the second man said, "That was a touching show of respect for the the deceased back there. I had no idea you were so sentimental."
The first man shrugged and said, "It's the least I could do. I was married to her for thirty years."

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Humor-Bone Tickling Yet Healthy!

Humor has always humanistic perspective.It acts as a medicine to be healthy.Any type of humor is welcome! Nowadays technology humor is the most sought after!I will try to bring them also.Humor articles are really need a brain storming and sharp observation! Let me share with you these three jokes.


1" How was your blind date? "" Terrible! He showed up in a 1935 Rolls Royce. "
" What's so terrible about that? "" He was the original owner! "



2A tour bus driver is driving with a bus full of old aged pensioners when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on the shoulder again and she hands the driver another handful of peanuts. When she is about to hand him another batch again, he asks her "Why don't you eat the peanuts?" "We can't chew them because we have no teeth", she replied.  "We just love the chocolate around them."



3A blonde was driving home after a football game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, ... "HELLLLO" "You need to roll up the windows"

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Humor- Keeps You Fit! Nothing Else!

Readers,
how about this joke?
I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 92).

We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a

teenager sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green,red,orange and blue.

My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look



and find dad staring at him every time. ;

When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked,

'What's the matter old man, never done anything

wild in your life?'

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would
not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one,
and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response.
'Got drunk once, and had sex with a peacock.

I was just wondering if you were my son.

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Humor - The Essence Of Life To Be Merry!

I want my readers to have a smile on their face after reading this.That's all and I got my rewards!Get tickled with funny humor. I have tried to maintain humanistic perspective. I am planning to write more humor article also. I am trying to offer humanistic approach for the humor.


David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an obscenity. Those that weren't expletives, were to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shocked the bird and the bird just got more angry and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the bird in the freezer, just for a few moments. He heard the bird squawk and kick and scream-then suddenly, there was quiet.

David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'll endeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness." David was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, "May I ask what did the chicken do?


A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything.
The shop owner suggests a faithful dog. The man replies, "Come on, a dog?" The owner says, "How about a cat?" The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!" The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, "I've got it! A centipede!"The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay... I'll try a centipede." He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, "Clean the kitchen." Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and... it's immaculate! All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away the counter-tops cleaned the appliances sparkling the floor waxed. He's absolutely amazed. He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living room." Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed the furniture cleaned and dusted the pillows on the sofa plumped, plants watered. The man thinks to himself, "This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. This really is a pet that can do everything!" Next he says to the centipede, "Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper." The centipede walks out the door. 10 minutes later... no centipede. 20 minutes later... no centipede. 30 minutes later... no centipede. By this point the man is wondering what's going on. The centipede should have been back in a couple of minutes. 45 minutes later... still no centipede! He can't imagine what could have happened. Did the centipede run away? Did it get run over by a car? Where is that centipede?
So he goes to the front door, opens it... and there's the centipede sitting right outside. The man says, "Hey!!! I sent you down to the corner store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What's the matter?!"

The centipede says, "I'm goin'! I'm goin'! I'm just puttin' on my shoes!"

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Health Conscious? Then Be Humoristic

Humor loving readers,
I am trying my best to get you the best one for a smile on your face.This is one of the humanistic approaches I have adopted.This humor article may be successful in that effort. What we need in our daily life is all humor.I have inserted some technology humor also in my blog.

The Band Played On
A band performing at an outdoor concert kept playing although the crowd had dwindled down to one man. Finally, the tired musicians told the man that if he left, they could all go home."It's up to you," he answered. "I'm just waiting to put away all those folding chairs."

Barber Shop
I was getting my hair cut at a neighborhood shop, and I asked the barber when would be the best time to bring in my two-year-old son. Without hesitation, the barber answered, "When he's four."


Beautiful
A little boy watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face. "why are you rubbing cold cream on your face, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother. A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" he asked. "Are you giving up?"

Being Civilized
Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance. "Teddy," he called, "how many more times do I have I to tell you to come downstairs quietly? Now, go back upstairs and come down like a civilized human being."
There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room. "That's better," said his father, "now in future will you always come down stairs like that." "Suits me," said Teddy. "I slid down the railing."

Funny humor is adored by all.I feel like having more and more humor portal.

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Laugh....laugh...laugh

Navanakorn General Hospital is an internationally well reputed private hospital having more than 200 beds, and fully equipped with the highest technology in Pathum-thani Province. The hospital is situated in front of the Navanakorn developed industrial area. The hospital staff offers the treatment with complete dedication combined with modern instruments and specialists. The infrastructure, affordable treatment with latest technology, and post treatment with smile are guaranteed.There are multiple service centers such as the Emergency Accident Centre, Surgery Centre, Ambulance Service Centre, Medical Health Centre, Computer X-ray Centre, Physiotherapy Centre, Dental Specialist Centre, Urology and Cardiac Specialist Centre, as well as the Social Service Medical Project, Compensation Department, Health Legislation for Car accident Victims, and Social Service Medical card and General Treatment for customers.

Vision
To make name internationally. Navanakorn General hospital and Navanakorn Ayuthaya Hospital are top class, high standard specialization centers that have been completed to offer continuous value to customers. Patients flock to these centers for the best and affordable treatment.

Mission
The hospital is keen to develop its health services for patients by being quick, convenient and considerate. Treating the patients with high standard has been the motto of the hospital. Customers first then rest of the world!

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Humor-A Mind Tonic To Be Happy

I am trying my best to bring a smile on your lips. This is the only way to be happy.
Air Force Recruiter
The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recuiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. So, he directed that a nearby Air Force base be opened and that all elgible young men and women be invited. As he and his staff were standing near an brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them. The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself. He looked at the first young man and asked, "Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?" The young man looks at him and says, "I'm a pilot!" The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, "Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!" The aide hustles the young man off. The general looks at the second young man and asked, "What skills to you bring to the Air Force?"
The young man says, "I chop wood!" "Son," the general replies, "we don't need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?" "I chop wood!" "Young man," huffs the general, "you are not listening to me, we don't need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!" "Well," the young man says, "you hired my brother!" "Of course we did," says the general, "he's a pilot!" The young man rolls his eyes and says, "Dang it, I have to chop it before he can pile it!"

The Altruistic Barber
A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut but the barber refused saying "you do God's work." The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment saying "you protect the public." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment saying "you serve the justice system." The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a haircut.

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Humor-The Medicine Of Life

1)NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 52 personal days a year. They are called Sundays.


2)Tech support: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?


3)Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello… I can’t print.
Tech support: Would you click on “start” for me and…
Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates.


4)Joe and Dave are hunting when Dave keels over. Frantic, Joe dials 911 on his cell phone and blurts, "My friend just dropped dead! What should I do?"
A soothing voice at the other end says, "Don't worry, I can help. First, let's make sure he's really dead."
After a brief silence, the operator hears a shot. Then Joe comes back to the phone. "Okay," he says nervously to the operator. "What do I do next?"

5) After a long career of being blasted into a net, the human cannonball was tired. He told the circus owner he was going to retire.
"But you can't!" protested the boss. "Where am I going to find another man of your caliber?"


6) A bear walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer ............ and some of those peanuts."
The bartender says, "Sure, but why the big paws?"

7) A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter, and asks the bartender, "Have you seen my brother?" The bartender says, "I don't know. What does he look like?"


8)I didn't get any money this time
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.

Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?"

"My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000."

"Gee, that's tough," he replied.

"Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000."

"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."

"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."

"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."

"Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"

9)A nun arrives at the local bar
John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.

"You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"

Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.

"How do you know this, Sister?"

"My Mother Superior told me so."

"But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"

"Don't be ridiculous--of course I have never taken alcohol myself"

"Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life"

"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!"

"I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know."

The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar.

"Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "and could you put the vodka in a teacup?"

"Oh no! It's not that Nun again is it?"

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Humor-Try to keep it alive

1-Talented engineer

The authorities were leading a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They asked the priest if he wanted to face up or down when he meets his fate.The priest said that he would like to face up so that he will be looking toward heaven when he dies. So, they raise the blade of the guillotine, release it and it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck.The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest.

Next the drunkard comes to the guillotine. He also decides to die face up hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine, release it and it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck.
So, the authorities release the drunkard as well.
Next is the engineer. He also decides to die facing up. They slowly raise the blade of the guillotine when suddenly the engineer shouts, “WAIT!!!… I think the problem is right there where the cable is binding!!!”

2- Microsoft landing
A pilot is flying a small, single-engine, charter plane with a couple of really important executives on board into Seattle airport. There is fog so thick that visibility is 40 feet, and his instruments are out. He circles looking for a landmark and after an hour, he is low on fuel and his passengers are very nervous.
At last, through a small opening in the fog he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. Circling, the pilot banks and shouts through his open window: “Hey, where am I?”. The solitary office worker replies: “You’re in an airplane.”. The pilot immediately executes a swift 275 degree turn and executes a perfect blind landing on the airport’s runway five miles away. Just as the plane stops, the engines cough and die from lack of fuel. The stunned passengers ask the pilot how he did it.
“Elementary,” replies the pilot, “I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100% correct but absolutely useless; therefore, I knew that must be Microsoft’s support office and from there the airport is three minutes away on a course of 87 degrees.”
3 Top 10 signs your company is going to downsize
1. Company Softball Team is converted to a Chess Club.
2. Dr.Kevorkian is hired as an “Outplacement Coordinator”.
3. Your best looking women in Marketing are suddenly very friendly with the dorky Personnel Manager.
4. The beer supplied by the Company at picnics is Schlitz.
5. Weekly yard/bake sale at Corporate Headquarters.
6. Company President now driving a Ford Escort.
7. Annual Company Holiday Bash moved from the Sheraton to the local Taco Bell.
8. Employee discount days at the local “Army & Navy Surplus Store” are discontinued.
9. Dental plan now consists of a Company supplied kit (String, pliers and 2 aspirin).
10. Your CEO has installed a dart board in his office marked with all existing departments in the Company.

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Humor A Heathy Way to Lead Life

Air Force Recruiter
1The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recuiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. So, he directed that a nearby Air Force base be opened and that all elgible young men and women be invited. As he and his staff were standing near an brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them.
The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself. He looked at the first young man and asked, "Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?"
The young man looks at him and says, "I'm a pilot!"
The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, "Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!" The aide hustles the young man off.
The general looks at the second young man and asked, "What skills to you bring to the Air Force?"
The young man says, "I chop wood!"
"Son," the general replies, "we don't need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?"
"I chop wood!"
"Young man," huffs the general, "you are not listening to me, we don't need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!"
"Well," the young man says, "you hired my brother!"
"Of course we did," says the general, "he's a pilot!"
The young man rolls his eyes and says, "Dang it, I have to chop it before he can pile it!"

2 I have a friend who flew Lear Jets for the U.S. Air Force. He would occasionally be assigned to an air show where one of his tasks was answering questions about his plane. Someone would always point to the fuel tank and ask if it was a missile. His standard answer was, "I can neither confirm or deny the presence of nuclear weapons on this aircraft."

3 Alcohol
A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol.
He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whiskey curled up and died.
"All right, son," asked the father, "what does that show you?"
"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms."

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Laugh...Laugh.... and Laugh... and Be Happy

Agri-cows
How agri-corporations around the world would treat their cows.
NORTH AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
FRENCH: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
JAPANESE: You have two cows. You redesign them to 1/10 the size of ordinary cows, producing 20 times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoons called Cow kimon and market them worldwide.
GERMAN: You have two cows, re-engineered so they'll live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.
BRITISH: You have two cows. Both are mad.
RUSSIAN: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42. You count them again and learn you have 12. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
SWISS: You have 5,000 cows. None belongs to you. You charge others for storing them.
HINDU: You have two cows. You worship them.
CHINESE: You have two cows and 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest the newsman who questions the numbers.

Air Conditioning
A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant; first, he'd asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, walking back and forth and never once getting angry. So finally, a second customer asked why didn't they just throw out the pest.
"Oh I don't care." said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."

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Humor mixed with irony of life....

1)Once a man went to the veterinary doctor and said,'Doctor I have come on vaction for a month so that I can get myself treated fully within this period.'Doctor says 'I think you should go to the Doctor opposite my clinic.See that board.' 'No Doctor, I hve come to you only.' 'But gentleman I am a veterinary Doctor.I am an animal specialist. I do not treat human beings.' 'I know doctor very well that is why I have come to you only.'I can not becouse you talk like me and think like me,which means you are a human being and not an animal.'Iknow I am human being but listen to my complaints first: I sleep like a dog thinking about my work load whole night,I get up in the morning like a horse,Go to office like a deer,I work all the day like donkey,I run around eleven months like a bull without any holiday,I wag my tail infront of all bosses,I play with my children like a monkey if I get time.'

Doctorasks'Are you a software engineer?'The man says'Yes!"

2) One day at a school in London a teacher said to the class of five year olds,'I 'll give 20 pound to a child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived?'An Irish boy said,'St.Patrick' 'That's not correct'saya teacher.Scottish boy says 'It was St.Andrew' 'No' says teacher.Finally a gujarat boy raised his hand and said"It was Jesus Christ!' The teacher said'That's absolutely right Jayant, come up here and I'll give you 20 pounds.' As the teacher was giving money she said 'You know Jayant,since you are Gujarati,I was surprised when you said 'Jesus Christ'Jayant replied'Yes In my heart I knew it was Lord Krishna...but Business is Business!'

3) I dreamt an Interview with God.'So you would like to interview me?'God asked.'If yo have time ' I said. God smiled 'My time is eternity what questions do you hve in mind for me?'

'What surprises you the most about human kind?' God answered'That they get bored with childhood thet they rush to grow up,and then long to be children again! That they lose thier health to make money,then lose their money to restore their health!Tht by thinking anxiously about future,they forget the present, such that they live in neither present nor in future.They live as if they would never die and die as though they had never lived.' I just woke up and opened my eyes.......

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Laughter-Is the natural e!ssence of life to rejuvenate.Keep healthy keep laughing

Humor-The tonic of the day I have brought.If you have read them already smile a little ,if you are reading for the first time then have a hearty laugh!

1) Once a man hasn't been feeling well. So he goes to a doctor for a complete check up. Doctor checkes him up and comes out 'I am afraid I have some very bad news.' The Doctor says.'You are dying and you don't have much time left!''Oh,that's terrible! How much time is left?'Asks the patient. 'Ten' the doctor says sadly.'Ten?' the man asks. 'Ten what... months,weeks,or days?'

The doctor interrupts 'Nine.'

2) A man in his forties bought a new BMW and was out in the interstate for a nice evening drive.The top was down.The breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.As the needle jumped up to 80 mph He suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.'There is no way they can catch a BMW.He thought himself and opened her up.The needle hit 90.... 100.Then the reality of situation hit him.'Wht the heck am I doing?'He thought and pulled over.

The cop came upto him,took his license without a word. and examined it and a car.'It has been a long day.This is the end of my shift.And it's Friday the 13th.I don't feel like more paper work.So if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before you can go.' The guy thinks for a second and says'Last week my wife ran off with a cop.I was afraid you were trying to give her back.''Have a nice weekend.'Said the officer.

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Laughter-the long lasting medicine!

Laughter is the best gift God has given to human beings! Have you ever seen animals laughing? Don't neglect this instinct,nourish it with love and care. Hence I am presenting in front of you few jokes
Please make a point to smile at least!
1A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache.
Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, spoke to the doctor about it.
The doctor assured the nurse, "Don't worry about a thing. He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the operation we ran out of anesthetic."

2 "An abstract noun," the teacher said, "is something you can think of, but you can't touch it. Can you give me an example of one?"
"Sure," a teenage boy replied. "My father's new car."

3 There was a knock at the door. It was a small boy, about six years old. Something of his had found its way into my garage, he said, and he wanted it back.
Upon opening the garage door, I noticed two additions: a baseball and a broken window sporting a baseball-sized hole. "How do you suppose this ball got in here?" I asked the boy.
Taking one look at the ball, one look at the window, and one look at me, the boy exclaimed, "Wow! I must have thrown it right through that hole!"

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Age no bar for Romance!

1Widow and a widower were dating.After some time,the widower proposed widow,and she said"Yes." Then widower went home happily. Next morning he felt,'I must ask her whether she said yes or no!,I feel she looked at me very funny." So he called her up in the morning and told 'I don't remember your answer....what was it? yes or no?" The answer from that came" Oh, was it you ? I remember having said you but i did not remember who it was!"

2Little Johny's class went on a field trip to a local police station,where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board.There were ten pictures of hard core criminals. One of the kiddies asked whether that was really a criminal's photo? He said 'Yes'. 'The detectives badly want to capture him.'
Little Johny asked 'Why didn't you keep him when you took picture of him?'

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Tonic of the day-Laughter

1)This is a bar scene. A fellow is sitting and enjoying hid beer.Suddenly he remembers something so he needs to go to the hotel room that is on second floor.He didnot want any body touch his drink,so he writes a note and drops it in the glass.That note was 'No body should take this glass because I spat in this!"After coming back he saw a note saying "So did I! " Poor fellow lost the glass eirther way.

2)One candidate came for the interview. His all papers were scanned carefully.Hr person called him for the interview at last.HR person told "Your record is really bad as it shows from every place you have worked you have been fired! why? " The candidate said maitaining his cool" Yes sir!,at least i am not a quitter!"

3)A recent college student gets a job at the farthest place.Commutin alone,he found it boring crossing the hills and tunnels.So he invited friends to join him.He became all the more frustrated and disturbed.Oneday he went to Doctor to consult.He told"Doctor I am fine on the bridges,in the traffic in the day and night, and even when his close friend Jolly forgets bathing. Bot now with these four boys when I entre the tunnel,I feel dizzy,as if am going to explode any moment! Am I sane or insane?" "No no my boy it is very common it is called carpool tunnel syndrome."

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Laughter the best medicine

1)A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.
He went ther lay on the couch,spilled his guts the waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to mke him feel better.
The psychitrist asked him a few questions,took some notes,then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes witha puzzled look on his face.Suddenly he looked up with an expression of delight and said 'Um... I think your problem is low sefl esteem...... it is common among losers!'
2)Interviewing crazy:- A man was admitted in the asylum ,after a long time the persons in charge thought that he may be released. The head of the institution felt he should take an interview of the out going person! So the inetrview was arranged.The first question he asked was 'Tell me if we release you what will you do with your life?' The inmate said,"It is wondeful to get back to my life.I will refrain from my former mistake.I was a nuclear physicist,it was the stress of my work landed me here.If I am released I shall confine myself to pure theory,where I trust the situation will be under control.

'Or else I might teach! there is something to be said for spending one's life in bringing up a new generation of scientists.Then again I might write a novel based on my experiences in this fine institution.' 'An interesting possibility.'said the head.'And finally if none of these things appeals to me I can always continue to be a teakettle.'!

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Humor-buried under Technology?

My feeling goes with the title.Yes nowadays humor is the long lost thing in our daily life! Let's me try to revive it through my blog. I read recently this write up. goes like this. Once a lady of late sixties entered the super mall. She was frantically looking for some one. At last she found a young guy.The she started following him. That boy was amazed and astonished because he couldn't get a link! The she told him 'I have a son who resembles you a lot. So I am very happy to see you. Can you call me mamma. when I leave this premises?'

The young guy was very happy and excited even. She bought all the things what all she needed and
while leaving stood at the exit,looking at the young guy.That boy was carried away by emotion.He called her and said loudly 'bye bye mama...see you !'

Then the bill collector came to him and told him to pay the bill.That old lady had told the bill collector that 'My son will pay the bill. ' The young guy had to cough up 200 $ just for three apples!
Bottom line:- Beware of older ladies...some may outsmart you...!s

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